Long Distance Relationships - Love, Advice, Quotes, Tips, Ideas

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Advice for someone that has no idea... Kristina 2007 Sep 25 05:08 PM

Alot of the stories that I read in the books or on here are about people in college and when they are done they will be together or people that live close enough to drive to see each other every weekend. I am not in that situation. My boyfriend and I are older, well out of college and have both been married and divorced. We both have children. We live 13 hours apart, which makes the drive impossible.
I will tell you a little about us. We met online thru a mutual friend. I was a friend for him during his divorce. It was right from the start that I knew I loved this man. His goals, his views.. just everything was exactly what I was looking for. At that time though, I never thought we would be anymore that what we had become. Best Friends. One day our mutual friend bought him a ticket and flew him out to meet me. That was it.. I knew that we were going to be together. As well as he. That point on we became talking about future plans. He would move to where I am. He just wanted to wait the right amount of time for his job and his children. Part of me never really did believe he would move here, but he insisted. We talked about marriage and having more kids. It was really just perfect....
All that came to a crashing hault when he decided he couldn't leave his children. I had already stated in previous conversations that I couldn't uproot my children. They go to school, have friends... it just wouldn't be fair to them. So there you have it .. we are at a stand still. He doesn't want to come here, and I don't want to go there. We have had many discussions on this and the bottom line is always this.. I will have to wait to start my life with him til the children are grown. That is looking to be around 14 years. Time has passed from the last conversation that he have had like that and other solutions have been talked about.. Like I will live there with him for the summers until we can be together That works for me for now, but ultimatley I know if I want to be with him I am going to have to make the sacrafice.
In all honesty it makes sense for him to come here. With all the money he has to give for alimony and support, he doesnt have the means for a house to fit us all in, I have a house here. I live upstairs from my parents so they don't charge me what I would have to pay somewhere else. His kids are homeschooled, so I am to believe that he can get them half the year or they can come up anytime. For instance, once a month for a week at a time. He just doesn't see it that way.
So yeah what is someone to do when you don't see an end to the LDR? I love this man and as hard as it is I am willing to wait. We have been together for two years already, but 14 years? That is along time to decide that it just isn't fair. I mean this way I have potentially lost the marriage, but in fact have lost the more children I wanted. Am I unfair to think he should be able to move here? Am I wrong to think it is easier for him? Am I wrong to think 14 years is just to long? He is always saying things change, but I see no change. There was something that came up recently that he said just make room for me if it happens and I didn't let myself get excited. I was right not to things changed again. Any thoughts?

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