Long Distance Relationships - Love, Advice, Quotes, Tips, Ideas

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Needed: A supportive person who has gone through the same!! Jessica 2006 May 26 09:16 PM

Before entering into my struggle too much, please keep in mind that I asked for someone who has experienced this problem to comment. Please refrain from judgment if you haven't been here....

Here's a little background:
My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for 11 months now and he is the one. He gives meaning to the cliché "when it's different, it's just different, and when you know you just know." It's hard for people to understand or give credit to that; but when you experience it, it really is different. Anyway, he is in the USAF and lives in South Carolina right now. We were friends for two years before fate stepped in and allowed us to express our true feelings. For the first 6 months we were able to talk everyday for at least 3-5 hours a day (we are “IN"). Now he is in a special training program where he is limited to communication with me, and I can only talk to him for once a week for 30 minutes. I am an excellent pen pal and write many letters, but as many of you know, it's not the same. Now comes the hard part.....I have been unfaithful to him. It's been purely physical when it's happened and for the first two times I felt an extreme guilt to the point where I was getting sick, not eating, not sleeping, crying.....and the last 2 times its happened, the guilt has been there but not to the same extreme! I have been drinking every time....and didn’t intend on it happening with the exception of the last time. I went into that situation knowing I would get drunk to lesson my inhibitions. I have never cheated on a any boyfriend ever before, so I am new to how to react; also, I’ve never been so in love with any one more perfect in my entire life so I am very concerned as to what I should do. He is everything to me......and if these encounters within the last 5 months have meant nothing....should I not tell him and spare him the heart break every time he looks at me. I know he would not want to lose me and would definitely work things out, but I don’t know if I could bare him looking at me differently, knowing that his heart is breaking because I am not the same person he thought. I am not the same person I thought.....
I love him and want to be fare to him, which is my main concern. He is in a hardcore program right now in which he graduates from in June. I will see him soon, and soon I will be able to talk to him for as long as I want whenever I want; do I tell him....or don't I. I don’t want it to happen again, and I know it wont once he is able to satisfy my need for feeling beautiful and desired....but what should I do!?

~A Genuine Spirit~

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