Long Distance Relationships - Love, Advice, Quotes, Tips, Ideas

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Lookin' for an outlet Bugsy 2006 Apr 19 02:13 AM

I began a LDR August '05. At that time, he was 500+ miles away from me. Due to certain personal circumstances, we could only talk over the internet & only during certain times. Sundays were the worst, because we couldn't talk at all. At the end of Sept., we had the chance to spend one day together. It was the most wonderful day of both our lives. Suddenly life had meaning & purpose & we both had a place to belong. The goodbye was so painful. We didn't know when we'd see each other again.

Our chance came in the middle of Oct., when he moved closer to me. Granted, he's still 183 miles away from me, but every weekend since his move (except one), one of us has made the trek or we've met 1/2 way & spent time together. We talk all day long on the computer. We call each other to say goodnight. We text each other all the time. Occasionally I will mail him a card.

In reading some of these posts & learning that some of you don't see your honey or baby or sweetie for months at a time, I feel like I'm being a whiney butt over 5 or 6 days of not seeing my boyfriend. I guess things affect people differently & I'm just weak. Hey, I'm not ashamed to admit it.

We've had arguments & gotten through them. Our latest setback has been my changing shifts from 2nd to 3rd. He works 1st. We both work for the same company, from home, & we have a messenger at work. When he's not working, we talk on Yahoo.

I changed shifts because I have two kids & 2nd shift was taking away all my time with them. I love 3rd shift. I get way more work done. I sleep during a time when my kids aren't home anyway. I'm up when they're home & we get to do things together in the evenings.

Unfortunately, the communication between my boyfriend & me has lessened to an extreme degree. He's getting ready for supper when I'm waking up. We might say "Hello" before he heads upstairs to eat. Then I usually have to take the kids to ball practice & I'm not home until later in the evening. Supper, bath & bed for the kids, then it's time for me to start work. Boyfriend & I talk for a while & then I'll say goodnight to him via phone call. I work all night, get the kids up & to school, have breakfast with my neighbor, maybe run him on an errand (old man, can't drive), then come home. Boyfriend is starting work & we chat on the work messenger until he gets a chance where he can call & tell me goodnight. Then I sleep.

We have just entered into a year's lease on an apartment that is 1/2-way between our houses so that we can have a more private (& less expensive) place to meet on weekends than hotel rooms. He will probably move into said apartment this summer...at least he says he will.

Background: I'm divorced twice & last relationship was not a marriage, but a live-in situation that lasted for 3 years. That man was 24 years older than me. Whoo! What was I thinking? The 2nd marriage was physically abusive. My kids are both from the 1st marriage. I have trust issues...serious ones.

He's still legally married & was just able according to state law to file for divorce the day after Easter, but didn't do it, to my knowledge. He's a procrastinator. I love him, warts & all. His wife beat him down emotionally to the point where he didn't drive hardly at all for 5 years. And the man never smiled.

So the reason I Googled "long distance relationship support" & clicked on this website is because things are just so tough. I love this man. He's THE ONE. I've never felt this way about anyone. I never knew I could feel this way. And he says (unsolicited) the same things about me. We both just KNOW. We're eventually going to live together & be married. That's a given.

The conflict is that he says these things, but then says that he's not ready to move closer. He misses me & it's torture & pure hell, etc., but there is nothing holding him where he is. I can't just pick up my kids & move them 183 miles away. He has no kids (& doesn't want any of his own, bonus, my tubes are tied & I am so done with kid having). If he wants to be with me, then why doesn't he just BE WITH ME?!! Why all the talk & no action? I don't understand how he could KNOW he wants to marry me, but not be ready to live close enough to where we could see each other more than just on the weekends.

Anyone in THIS boat (or a similar one) on EITHER side of the boat, please let me know how you're dealing with it &/or WHY this is happening.

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