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Long Distance Relationship
My relationship is somewhat (I think) unusual. I am in a long distance relationship with my former brother in law. Yes, he used to be married to my ex-husbands sister. I struggle with it everyday. He lives in the city and I live a rural area 2000 miles away.
Three and a half years ago, I had made a new years resolution to get in contact with all the people that I had lost contact with over the years. He was one of them....I made an innocent phone call to him on January 1st, 2002 and here we are, still together. We have both been divorced since 1998. We have spoken only once prior to that day in 14 years and that was at our then mutual father in law's funeral.
Our friendship grew over 5 months of telephone calls before we decided to meet half way between two provinces. We both have grown children and we both knew it was going to be difficult for them, but at that point we thought we were only going to be traveling companions for each other, since neither of us were look ing for a relationship and of course what could possibly happen between us when we're 2000 miles apart...right? Wrong!!!
We quickly discovered that we were getting closer and closer all the time and wanting to be together more and more. His divorce wasn't quite over, so we kept it on the QT for his sake. Problem # 1...I have a son that lives with his family only 5 minutes from him and his lovely ex (god bless her)found out from my ex (who by the way, had a massive stroke in 1994, which left him with some brain damage and paralysis) that I was in their home town and promptly told my son. "SON NOT IMPRESSED!!!" and that includes my other children as well. Our children are ages ranging from 21 -35.
We have since dealt with the majority of that problem and have just agreed to disagree. I don't mention his name unless it is absolutely necessary and that is very rare. Problem # 2...he is ex military, 30 years of programming. I'm not sure if I need to say more or if that says it all. He is very genuine and I trust him explicitly and I know he is very much in love with me. But when it comes to romance, I'm afraid it's not there, at least when we're apart it's not there. He is so passionate when we together and so frustrating when we're apart because he won't even say I miss you, unless I ask or should I say get upset because he won't tell me.
I'm 48 and he is 53, some would probably say that this is foolish for me to want romance at my age and certainly long distance romance, but I am no different now then I was at 19 when I married the first time. He came to my home in late March for our usual 10 day every 8 to 10 week get together. When he left on April 3rd, it was the worst departure I have dealt with in three years and I find each one of them worst then the one before. He on the other hand just walks awaywell thats not quite true.
Thats how his programming makes it look. He is so pragmatic that it drives me nuts and his answer is always the samewhat is the alternative!! He has an excellent government job in Signal Intelligence and I also have a wonderful job as an Accountant for a beautiful Resort. I am a very independent woman and that is one of the things that he was attracted to. We both own our homes in each province and would like to keep them both for when we retire. So neither of us is able to move.
Reading your books has certainly made me realize that there is hope for us, but Im not so sure that I can do this on my own. Thank you for listening.
Emma from Newfoundland, Canada
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